hollyjolly-jolteon:

My future partner: babe you can’t do this everytime I come home

Me, laying the in the rose petals I put on the bed, illuminated by the candles that are their favorite scent while their bathwater runs: but I love you

Anonymous asked:

Hi there. You messaged me about 2.5 years ago and I was single and my girlfriend had broken up with me and I was very upset, shattered and contemplated suicide. You were one of those who msged me asking if im okay and lended an ear to me. My blog was pleaselovemeandneverleaveme. I deactivated ages ago I just want to say a big thank you. Ive got a girlfriend who will be my wife soon and have finished my study. Thank you once again. You're an amazing human being.

I haven’t logged on years. This was nice to read

thefatgirlblog:

“All these young girls getting themselves pregnant”

Wow, self impregnating teenage girls, these men should be afraid, we as woman are evolving at alarming rates.

whateverisfickle:

haelem:

Decorating your first apartment sounds fun until you realize you have to pay for everything …

Being an adult sounds fun until you realize you have to pay for everything …

aewm:

im horny but like… horny for a successful future full of happiness and satisfaction with the person ive become

cipollakate:

nickthepigeon:

stealing-your-wife:

espeoradar:

samarajournal:

paulichu:

adriofthedead:

zzdigital:

What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn’t realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like

“Dude, you haven’t gone outside in a while.”
“Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.”

“Are you still up?”
“Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.”

“Dude, I’m seriously craving something right now.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno. Pizza rolls?”

“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?”
“Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”

“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”

“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”

“Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?”
“…Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.”

“Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I’m around? It really bugs me for some reason.”

“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”

“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”

“What’s with your thing about necks lately?”

“MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME”